Whether you’re a Chiefs fan or not, one thing is for sure: Kansas City would be a way more entertaining champion than the Niners.
Look, we get it. The San Francisco 49ers are the total package. They’ve got the stellar defense, the superstar tight end, the triple threat at runningback, the gorgeous quarterback, the genius coach…but all of that means nothing come Sunday. And why is that, you may ask?
Because the power of Andy Reid’s mustache is worth infinitely more than any other being on this planet.
It’s clear to see that in a sports world ran by some of the most fit people on the planet, one thicc man is destined to rise above them all. Eating cheeseburgers, taking naps, wearing Hawaiian shirts. For god’s sake the man already looks like he retired and moved to Miami five years ago.
The Chiefs Kingdom has already ridden that luscious mustache to some amazing seasons these last two years. It’s proven that if there’s one thing the NFL can’t get enough of, its speed. And if Andy Reid doesn’t look like a guy who’s well versed in the art of speed, I don’t know who does. From Tyreek Hill to Mecole Hardman to Sammy Watkins. Even to Reid’s favorite snack, I mean receiver, Byron Pringle. Reid has proven that he’s more than capable of taking this Cadillac of an offense and turning it into a mustachioed juggernaut rivaled only by the late, great Dale Earnhardt himself.
Say what you want about the Niners and the season they’ve put together this year. Their second ranked defense and impressive rushing attack have dominated throughout the regular and postseason. But nobody brings more excitement or memeability to the NFL than the Kansas City Chiefs. Reid and that upper lip pushbroom of his have already swept the AFC. Now it’s time to fulfill their Destiny and conquer the entirety of the NFL.